“For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you, not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
I remember this passage well. It is the passage I meditated on after the miscarriage two years ago. Who knew His future plans would hold another opportunity to be with child?
That season seemed unbearable, as if we would not rise above it. I remember feeling as though life would swallow me whole. There were so many unknowns. So many frustrations, questions, anger and sadness. I can remember relating to the emotions of the Israelites to whom God originally addressed this passage. They were in exile. Frustrated with their current situation, yet admonished to make the best of it while trusting God’s plans and promises.
As I sit in this new season, this passage resurfaced via a dear friend as I lamented on all the unknowns we face yet again. The circumstances are different, yet the feelings are strangely and sadly similar. I again find myself battling fears, which if I am honest is the root of the anger and frustration. I am grateful for the opportunity to be preparing for motherhood, yet the unknowns overwhelm me. There are aspects of our lives that are not what I would have planned. This troubles me. Things are not lining up as I would like. This frustrates me. Yet again, I have no idea what the future holds.
So, I am muddling through. Honestly expressing to the Lord where I am, how I feel, and what I fear. I pray. And, I seek to find solace in the fact that the same God who knew that this pregnancy was in His plans, knows how He will provide. He’s already made plans. I muddle through remembering that even in the exile of uncertainty, His plans are not to harm me. I remember that even when I feel as though situations are hopeless, HE grants me hope. He holds my future, our future.
“Then I will seek Him and find Him when I seek Him with all my heart.”