Things I Thought I'd Never

Help Your Child Have a Great School Year

August 23, 2016

It was 1999. With fear and trepidation I faced a group of wide-eyed, energetic and intimidating 8 year olds. After years of insisting that I would never teach school, here I was. Third grade. I had lofty notions of doing absolutely amazing things, and a great fear of blowing it. Neither occurred.

I did discover my educator’s heart. And, the experiences of 9 years in the classroom, with children from kindergarten to eighth grade, in both the inner city and suburbs provided me with life-changing relationships, and a wealth of knowledge.

One of the things I learned is how parents encourage success in their children. My first students are now adults- many are college students/graduates, married, parents, and in careers of their own. Some fell into hard times, making poor decisions and their lives reflect the unfortunate consequences of their actions. Parenting played a role in both – children succeeding because of supportive parenting or succumbing to negative influences. Others rose above in spite of negativity, with a commitment to be different.

These parents taught me that amazing children do not come about haphazardly. It takes love, work, effort, tears, time, commitment, consistency, sacrifice and prayer. Lots of prayer.

We have been parents for 5 and a half years now, and just sent our firstborn off to kindergarten. As much as it is up to us, I want him to have a great school career – focusing on one year at a time, one day at a time. So, I’m dusting off a few of the lessons I learned as a teacher, to educate me as a parent, and I share them here with you…

SMART (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Time-bound) goal setting concept presented on blackboard with colorful crumpled sticky notes and white chalk handwriting

http://monelico.com/smart-goals/

They have expectations and set goals.

Perhaps you have heard of some version of setting S.M.A.R.T. goals through your job. Specific. Measurable. Attainable. Relevant. Time-bound. This applies to your child’s education as well. Set goals, for you and your child. What relevant, attainable, measurable goals do you want your child to achieve by the end of the first quarter? Semester? Mid-term? What goals can you set for yourself to assist in achieving them? Do not fall into the “It’s the teacher’s job to…” trap. The teacher builds upon a foundation that you lay.

For example, if you want your kindergartner to learn to read 30 words by November, set that as a goal…for both of you. Set a goal to read with her for 20 minutes every night. Post sight words in the home and review them for 5 minutes. If your child struggled with a particular subject or habit last year, set a goal – an attainable one – for both of you, to help him improve. This teaches them the value of goal-setting and the satisfaction received in achieving them.

They communicate…

These parents were in the habit of talking to their children regularly. There were times when I had car pool duty. I noticed that sometimes, by the time the parent and child had gotten to the front of the line, a general overview of the day had already been discussed.

During dinner, my husband often asks all of us to share with him some aspect of our day – the best part, a struggle, etc. At first I thought it was simply a sweet gesture. However, after a year of doing this I’ve noticed that they often do not need to be asked, they just tell him. Prayerfully this is setting a foundation for honest conversation in the future.

Parents should be among the first to know about incidents at school – positive and negative. How she aced this test. How he succeeded in this presentation. How a friend helped her. How he got into a disagreement. Talk. In the car. At the table. In the kitchen. Just talk.

…And keep communicating.

They also keep in contact with their child’s teacher. If you have questions about requirements, want to follow up on a particular habit or character trait, need help understanding an assignment, want ideas to help your child, need clarity on a project (sooner than the day before it’s due – please) – ask. Also, ask the teacher what his preferred methods of communication are – some teachers only have the opportunity to check school voicemail at the end of the day, but have access to email throughout the day. Others prefer a phone call over an email. Ask. Then, as much as possible follow accordingly.

Do not limit your communication to problems. Send a note of thanks. Commend them for something you appreciated. And, if you do have a problem, present it to the teacher first – not the administration and definitely not other parents. If it is not resolved, then, consider bringing in a third party.

They discipline.

They know their child and have an accurate, realistic view of their child’s strengths and weaknesses – and parent accordingly. They discipline their children. However that looks in your home -just do it. Consistently (that’s my struggle). Intentionally. Lovingly. Do it. Your child needs boundaries and rules. He needs an understanding that he is not alone in this world and that his actions (both positive and negative) affect others. So. Do it. They will appreciate it (in the long run). The teacher will appreciate it. And YOU will appreciate it.

They are present.

Get involved. I am not talking about always volunteering to be room-parent, or the resident field trip chaperone, because life, time, temperament (and desire) does not allow for everyone to do that. That is understandable (and it’s OK – don’t feel guilty). However, if there is a parent-teacher conference scheduled – attend. Open house or “Meet the Teacher” planned? Go. Art night that displays your child’s artwork or a musical performance with your child hitting one bell, one time, on one song? Be present. Many times, these events are on the school calendar at the beginning of the year. Get it. Put these dates on your own calendar. Then…Make. It. Happen.

They support the teacher.

In elementary school, the teacher will be with your child at least 5-7 hours a day, 5 days a week, for 10 months. Her job does not begin at 8:30 when you drop him off, nor does it end at 3 when you pick him up. In many cases, she is planning and prepping while you sleep. And, if she has children of her own, she is doing the things with her own children that she asks of you. So, ask how you can help lighten her load. Perhaps you have 30 minutes to cut, type or create something at home. Or, if you are in a store, maybe you recall her saying she needed materials for a project – purchase them for her. If you know she had a hard day (teachers do have those, you know), send her a note letting her know you are thinking about her or bring in a cup of coffee when you stop to get your own. Remember everything she does that is school related ( and her mental health) benefits your child.

They celebrate.

Have fun! You set those goals and achieved them? Celebrate. They aced that test. They tried something new. Improved in area? Developed a great habit? All As? Went from a D to a C? Overcame a fear or obstacle? Celebrate. Be attentive. Be authentic. Be present. Keep it simple, but celebrate!

They pray.

Yes. I said, pray. I cannot tell you the number of times I had parents tell me that they prayed for me. That mattered. They prayed for their children. Pray for your child, his classmates, and his teacher. Pray for the educational process. Pray for their friendships, character and decision-making. Pray for that difficult child. Pray for the school year as a whole, and every day that they face the unknown. Life has shown us that school can be unpredictable. Pray when you know exactly what needs to be done, and when you haven’t got a clue. Pray.

May the God of peace be with you this year…

A friend (and former co-worker) with a few of our “babies” who are now all grown up.

A Demon’s Lesson on the Art of Destruction

August 17, 2016

One of my favorite authors is C.S. Lewis ( The Chronicles of Narnia fame). His story is a complicated one, yet inspirational, as he grew up in church and feeling it a laborious duty, walked away as a teenager – embracing atheism, only to return to Christ and become a renown Christian apologist and author. His story reveals the creativity, grace and sovereignty of God. God did not require Lewis to abandon who he was at his core, but used his brilliance and love of debate, literature, nature, and even mythology to create some of the greatest Christian classics of all time.

Among these books is his satirical, fictional novel, The Screwtape Letters

The Screwtape Letters is written as a series of letters written by Screwtape, a senior demon, to his nephew, Wormwood about how to go about using certain subtleties in tempting a Christian to sin and turn against God.

In a similar manner, as I have watched various aspects of mainstream and social media recently, I can’t help but to imagine a similar type of conversation and education occurring in “heavenly realms.” While I am not one to believe that there is a devil on every shoulder, under every rock, or behind every evil, sometimes circumstances remind me of the truth of Ephesians 6:12

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”

Sometimes the circumstances are too perfect, the chaos seems too organized, the timing of things too orchestrated to not wonder if there is indeed something or someone else pulling strings behind a curtain somewhere.

So, with the inspiration of C.S. Lewis and his Screwtape Letters, I share below. As you read keep in mind that this is a conversation as I imagine occurring between a mentor demon and his student (thus the “Enemy” mentioned is “God”)

Mentor Demon: I see you’ve been working for decades behind the scenes to destroy this place.

Student Demon: Yes, but I can’t seem to get a foothold. I’ve thought I had them once before, but they keep doing this dreadful thing called “prayer”. It’s so noisy, and frustrating. I can’t think straight when they do it. And, it calls on Him. We simply can’t win against Him.

MD: Let me give you a hand. If you really want to destroy, you have to avoid the obvious. The Enemy’s devoted ones avoid the obvious. Actually, the somewhat devoted ones’ do too. They like to pride themselves on what they don’t do, how they abstain, but constantly focus on the errors of others. Work with that. Pride. That’s some of our finest work. Keep them focused on the sins of others so they don’t see their own.

Ahhh. Sin. Our greatest contribution.

SD: But, that only affects one or two, maybe a few more. How do I break up this whole thing???

MD: Mob mentality.

SD: Mob mentality?

MD: Yes. Our Vainglorious Brilliant Master initiated this thing years ago. In pride, he believed he was equal to The Enemy, so he led others like us to believe the same. It was soooo much fun roaming the earth, wreaking havoc… I digress.

But yes, use mob mentality. It only takes a few to lead others astray. Use their television shows, their news, their friends, their leaders, their pastors. You have to make sure it’s the charismatic ones though. The persuasive ones. The ones’ people are drawn to. Use the gift He gave them and twist it to our advantage. If you can get one who has a history of speaking truth (blech, who likes truth??), and twist his or her mind, it’s more effective. Then, the others will follow them like sheep to our slaughter (that’s what The Enemy calls them anyway in His dastardly Book of of our destruction).

MD cont’d: They will follow. Their talking points will sound the same. Their logic will be illogical. But, the sheep won’t care. They love their idols, I mean, leaders. Just don’t tell them that they’ve made idols of their leaders, then they will wise up. They hate idols, but as long as we can make them believe that only others have idols then we can gather more.

The mob mentality worked for us before. Remember?That’s how we were able to get the Israelites to pick Saul as their king, even after The Enemy TOLD them what would happen (eye rolling, head shake).

We used mob mentality to kill The Enemy’s Son. We used a few religious leaders, people that others respected, and turned them against Him. Those sheep are so fickle. Just a week prior they were worshipping Him. (laughing smugly) So fickle. Throughout history you see this time after time. Civil wars, oppression, genocide…”There is nothing new under the sun.”

SD: Wait. Isn’t that in the Book?

MD: Yep. You have to read it. Must be well versed in it. Don’t have to believe it, but you need to know how to use it against them. Always just enough truth to make it palatable, but with a twist. Make them believe they are brilliant for the “new” revelations.

MD: As I was saying, we used mob mentality to get them to release Barabbas in exchange for Jesus (I hate saying his name – I refuse to bow I don’t care what that Book says). It didn’t even make sense. All He did was GOOD – helped people, healed people, preached about awful things like repenting and loving The Enemy and others, and eternal life with Him. But, we used the few to turn the tides.

SD: But, He rose…

MD: Yeeeeah. We didn’t think that through all the way…

SD: But, this mob mentality has worked against us too.

MD: Yes, but the key is you have to evoke the right emotion.

SD: What is that?

MD: Fear.

Make them fear everything. People who don’t look like them, think like them, believe like them, live where they live. Fear. Make them fear losing their rights (which totally flies in the face of His instructions). Make them fear losing their comfort, their money, their stuff, their status quo, their way of living. Fear. Everything. With fear we gain a foothold. And can turn the most rational ones to irrational because we make fear irrational. We take a normal emotion that is supposed to help them, and exaggerate it. We are SOOOO good at that. We can’t really create anything. So, we magnify it, distort it, and use it to our advantage.

SD: Then what?

MD: We wait. It may take 1 week or 1 year or 1 century. But we can’t do anything until HE lets us (I don’t know why our Prideful Master agreed to those terms). But, when He lets us. Go for it.

SD: So, do you think now is the time?

MD: It’s looking like it. But we have been lured before, different wars, civil unrest. But it looks like it. Right now, we have people groups against other people groups. We use whatever differences we can to our advantage. One party against another (it cracks me up that they think that their answers lie in one person who isn’t Him, but, it works for us so…”). It definitely looks like it could be it.

SD: Mob mentality. Fear. Is there anything else?

MD: Oh, there are lots of things. But those are other lessons. But 2 more things you need to do – keep them from repenting and forgiving.

SD: I’m confused.

MD: Are you so dull?(laughing) (I took that from the Son. Sometimes, He had some of the best one-liners). Think about it. What destroys individual relationships? How have we turned mother against son, husband against wife, friend against friend? Yes, there are often different actions – major, like adultery, or minor, like owing $50. But, if you can get one party to refuse to see their sin or accept responsibility for it, or justify it, OR get the other party to refuse to forgive, to want to see the offender suffer as much as the offended, then you win. If you can influence both parties, that’s even better. If this works so well with individuals, imagine what you could do when you combine it with mob mentality that is primarily based in fear. The possibilities of destruction are endless.

SD: Is that it?

MD: Like I said. There is much more. Keeping them from empathy, compassion. Using selfishness, and self-preservation as their primary goal – just don’t let them know it’s selfishness. You have to disguise it as something noble, such as caring for their families, or pursuing their version of “God’s best”. So much more. But, that’s enough for today’s lesson. That’s enough to get you started.

SD: Great. Thanks. Oh. Wait. One more thing. I’ve read the back of that Book, why do we do all of these things, doesn’t it say we lose?

MD: Eh. That’s what it says. But, Our Master doesn’t’ believe it, even though everything else has come true. So. Carry on.

What I’ve Learned About Pursuing Dreams

June 21, 2016

There are 2 things that I love to do – teach and write. Apparently, they have always been passions and dreams. Not long ago, I came across a box of mementos that my mom kept. In it, were books that I wrote as a child, that she entered into the Young Authors’ contest in Illinois decades ago (not telling you how many though :).

Over the years, I have had opportunities to exercise my teaching gift, both in school and church classrooms. However, somewhere along the way, the dream of writing fell by the wayside – I’m not sure if it was life, survival, insecurity, or fear- probably a combination of them all. The dream didn’t die – it just sort of laid in a comatose state – waking periodically, temporarily, giving hope of survival or resuscitation, only to go dormant again.

Until recently. Recently the dream seems to be determined to live. So, I am determined to fight for it. I do not know what will come of it, but that isn’t my concern. My role is to do what I believe I am supposed to do, with the gifts God gave me to do them. Recently, I was reminded of a verse that I recited a lot when I taught school, “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.” (Colossians 3:23). I haven’t been doing that lately- in any aspect of my life. I’ve given half-hearted efforts and then wondered why I’ve struggled.

But, back to dreams. Here’s what I’ve learned about pursuing dreams, not necessarily succeeding, because the results are unknown. However, one sure way to not see dreams realized, is by not pursuing them.

You have to fight past the fear – For me, it was the fear of failure, criticism and not measuring up to my expectations.
You need others to help realize them – People need people. Look at anyone who has accomplished things in life. They could not have done it without the help of others, often those silently working in the background – encouraging, giving advice, supporting.
Listen – Follow the wise counsel of people who have gone before you, people who know and love you and have your best interests at heart. Accept compliments as encouragement, and constructive criticism as opportunities to grow.
Be willing to take risks – You will not always make the right decisions. Some things will fail. A great idea may flop. You will be rejected. Which leads to the next one…
Be ok with “no” and closed doors – I hate “no” and closed doors. It’s why I have hesitated to pursue things. But a guaranteed way to get a closed door, is by never knocking on it in the first place.
Pray. For me, this is one of my biggest lessons. I can come up with some pretty interesting ideas. My ideas. And while they may sound great to me, they can be fruitless. I want to make a difference. I want to be content. I want to be at peace when my plans don’t work out as I planned (which is often the case).

I am able to do this when I realize that I am only responsible for what I can do. God handles the rest. And sometimes, He doesn’t answer the way I want. Sometimes, “When life is difficult and circumstances aren’t as I would like them, and I feel as though my prayers hit a reinforced concrete wall impenetrable by my pain or tears or pleading, that 17 year-old girl returns.” But, “In the darkest of moments God provided just enough light to keep us on the path.”

Those are quotes from one of the more recent risks that I took. Submitting to (in)courage, a daily devotional site for women. Every 3 months for one year, I set reminders on my phone to submit a post to them (they take submissions every 3 months). And, every 3 months, for one year, I would talk myself out of it. Until the last open session. I finally decided to take a risk, to take the advice of friends, to believe the compliments I had received, and to be ok with hearing “No”.

And, I wrote…

…and submitted…

…and it was accepted!

So, tomorrow, Wednesday, June 22, I will have a featured post on (in)courage titled “The Day I Stopped Believing”

I cannot begin to tell you how excited, grateful and proud I am that for once I didn’t give into fear, that I listened to dear friends, and that I trusted God with the results. Please, come over tomorrow to incourage.me to celebrate with me.

While you are there, please sign up to receive free daily encouragement from the writers of (in)courage, right in your inbox www.incourage.me/subscribe.

Looking forward to seeing you.

Peace and blessings as you pursue your own dreams. Be encouraged.

30 Qualities of Great Fathers

June 19, 2016

Over the last few weeks, I have been on FB Live and Periscope sharing the importance of being intentional in leaving a legacy worth passing on.

On this Father’s Day, I’ve thought about the legacies left behind by some fathers, and those still being created by others. Men who have left and are leaving their marks in my life and that of my family.

In honor of these fathers, I wanted to create a tribute – a list of attributes of great fathers. While there are many things that could be said about each of them, I will choose to focus on only one or two.

Presenting, in order of appearance in my life (as much as possible)…

Harold Dorsey, Daddy: Love, patience

Growing up, I was a daddy’s girl, who never questioned my dad’s love for me. He showed it in his hugs, bike rides to the candy store, school drop-offs in the dead of winter after he had worked all night, because I was convinced I would “freeze to death”. And, through it all, he was patient, calm, never raising his voice. In fact, in my entire life, I have only seen him angry once. A great way to start…

Royal Simmons, Papa (deceased): Proud, provider

One of the compliments Bigma has given Papa repeatedly was that he was a great provider for his family. He was also a proud man. He loved sharing about his dedication to his job (and later, how long he was retired). But, one of the most endearing things I remember about him is when I would see him tear up over one of his grandchild’s accomplishments – be it preaching a first sermon, or graduating from college. In fact, those would be the only times I would see him cry – pride over the legacy he was leaving.

Eddie Dorsey, Granddaddy (deceased): Gentleness

I loved my granddaddy, and wrote about his impact in my life after he died last year, at 102 years old. At over 6 feet tall, he had a towering presence, but was always calm, patient, gentle. This man never had a harsh word, which led some to call him a “gentle giant.” To know some of his story, the pain that he saw, the loss and injustices he’d experienced (because you experience at lot in 102 years) and see that he still lived without anger, bitterness, and anxiety, and treated people well and with respect was remarkable.

Royal Jr, Michael, Mitchell (deceased), Jerry, Uncles: Protectors, humor

Y’all. My mother was the only girl out of 5 children. Her brothers loved her fiercely, and I have always thought of them of protectors. In fact, I have memories of young men in my neighborhood trying to “holla”, only to hear another one say, “Don’t mess with her, that’s Seymo’s niece.” While, I never knew which uncle they were referring to (because at various points I think all of them may have been called that), it made me feel safe. Protected. The irony is, I also associate them with laughter – tears streaming, gut busting, laugh out loud, doubled over laughter. Whether it is at a wedding, or funeral, in a home or hospital – the one thing that is guaranteed when we are all together is laughter (I’m laughing just writing this).

Julius Rawls (deceased): Mentor, encourager

Right around the time my mother took ill, Rev. Rawls came to be an assistant pastor at our church. He became a mentor and a 2nd father to me (even though he had 2 amazing daughters). Where am I today, in regards to ministry, is largely because of his influence. He pointed out that I had the spiritual gift of teaching. He also realized that I was clueless as to how to cultivate it, and was not in a place where it would be encouraged. So, he took me shopping for my first bible study tools -a study bible, commentary, and dictionary. “Start small”, he said as he would teach and encourage me. Later, when I was ready, he recommended I investigate going to seminary. That encouragement set me on a trajectory that would open doors to serve and live in places I never thought possible (and eventually meet my husband).

He’s in there, on the right, seated. Man, we got a lot of kids 😀

Chauncey Hatcher, brother-in-law: Motivated, great friend

I’ve known this man for 18 years now. I have seen him overcome challenges and stay motivated and committed to accomplish whatever he believes he is supposed to do – be it school, counseling students, raising 5 kids (including 2 sets of twins). Back when we were younger we could sit up for hours talking. I have watched him go the distance for friends and family, and I love him for it. I am proud to call him my brother.

Dr. Eddie Lane (deceased): Integrity, guide

I remember walking into his office on campus for the first time. Fresh from Chicago – I was confident I was to be in seminary, but sure of little else. He asked a few questions. Gave a bit of advice. Invited me to visit his church and meet his wife. I went. From there he became my guide, pastor and protector – helping me navigate school, heartbreak, singleness, ministry…life. I admired his integrity – you knew what he thought, he loved his wife openly, he was honest, and committed to pleasing God with his life.

Walter Mickels: Committed to truth, hospitality

Big Daddy and Me-mo (as my children call them), allowed me to move in with them for 3 weeks. Three weeks turned into 3 years, and I feel like I have always been in the family. I am introduced as their daughter, my husband is their son-in-law, and our kids are their grandkids. They choose to love us. It is a beautiful thing. I call that hospitality, because I cannot think of another word for it, but, really, it’s way beyond, because hospitality can be temporary. This is a lifetime. And, during this time, I have seen what it means to have a man committed to following Christ and the truth and how it permeates every aspect of his life.

Arrvel Wilson: Change agent

Pastor Wilson is another father figure. He is the pastor of the 2nd church I attended in Dallas, and president of school where I taught for years. He co-officiated our wedding (one of my memorable moments was seeing him emotional as our friend, Chris, sang his song Age With You). Through him, I learned the importance of being committed to a calling and being obedient to God. I have seen the people God can gather to help when one person is faithful. I don’t have to be or do everything – just do what I am supposed to do.

James Boyd: Faith, communication/counsel (no pic)

I spent many Sundays on the couch in the Boyds’ home. There was always food, always laughter, always great conversations. We could go from crazy current events, to laughing to life struggles to a counseling session in the span of a few hours. And he always expressed faith that God would work everything out. Last year when we went to visit, my heart swelled (and tears formed), when our son walked right into their home (first time ever) as if he has always been there, and asked for chicken because he somehow knew they had to be food there. And there was. Loved it.

Aaron Pankey, Eric Mason, Ikki Soma: Love for their wives

I have heard that the best gift a father can give his children, is to love their mother. These men became my older brothers (and protectors) when I moved to Dallas. I watched them love their wives, sacrifice for them, cover them and set an example of how that looked, and what I needed to pray for/look for in my own life. It was often said of them, “He loves him some… (fill in wife’s name). I remember smiling many years later when I overheard someone say of Reggie “He loves him some Kim.” I knew I did well.

Jim Williamson: Consistent (no pic)

I think of consistency with Jim because he was at one point my boss. One of the best ever. But, what I came to realize later (we all eventually left that organization, but moved to the same city later) was that who he was at work is who he was at home. Still encouraging, still funny, still committed to excellence, and patient.

Eugene Gillespie: Tenacity

My father in law. Y’all. This man is tough. For 30+ years he has been a quadriplegic. He still sits on advisory boards, readily gives advice, can conduct business and get things done. He’s been granted awards for his involvement in the community. He is a proud man (Marine proud), who holds his own and I admire him for it.

Edward Allen: Family oriented, wise

When Reggie and I first got married, we had the pleasure of spending Sunday afternoons and many holidays pulled up to a table, curled up on the couch or sprawled out on the floor of the Allens. They were our unofficial marriage counselors without knowing it. I remember watching Edward with his girls (4 of them). He was always so laid back, a constant in a home swirling with all things girly. He was always involved, constantly interacting and engaged, loving on them with just the right amount of tenderness and toughness (if needed). It was always so sweet and inspiring to see how much they love their daddy.

John Maguire: Prayerful, calming

Reggie and I say that he “oozes” Jesus. Such a calming presence. There were times, when we used to be able to get to church early, i.e. B.K .(before kids), when we would walk in and see Pastor John praying over the seats. I remember his constant encouragement, affirmation, prayers and compassion after we miscarried and tried to conceive again. He loved, counseled and encouraged my husband so well during the difficult early years of our marriage, I am forever grateful for that.

Tim Cochran: Hospitality, fun

The holidays, when we weren’t with the Allens or family, we were with the Cochrans. Tim is just fun and the life of the party. He and his wife have been great examples of what it means to use your home to serve others well. From having people live with them, to hosting gatherings and Bible studies to swim parties – their door was always open.

My favorite pic of them at their ordination service.

Dave Clark, Aaron Roy: Mercy, encouragement

These men are my current pastors, dear brothers and true servant-leaders. So much to say about what I have learned from them. Pastor Dave (left) has the gift of mercy. In times when I would look at a situation and toss my hands up in frustration, he was there extending grace, loving people well, stretching himself beyond what most would think feasible, with patience that only God can give. Pastor Aaron is the encourager. He will help you believe you can do absolutely anything. Have a vision? Tell Him. Everyone needs a cheerleader. He is dedicated to serving the underserved, those that most would look over. He is there rooting for them, pushing for them, fighting for them and cheering them on when everyone else has given up hope.

Pete Riley: Servant’s heart

We met “Uncle” Pete 5 years ago, on a vision visit to Richmond, CA. From the moment we met the Rileys, we fell in love with them. I appreciate the father figure he’s been to Reggie as they are “cut from a similar cloth”. Laid back, patient, gifted with his hands, (and sharp, look at him y’all) – he is the epitome of a servant. He is willing to serve and care for anyone – regardless of status, position, possessions, etc. He just serves. Period. And does so with an amazing attitude and that smile.

Reggie Gillespie, My Boo: sacrificial, attentive

Well, of course I’ve saved the best for last. My husband of 9 years (where has the time gone???). Reggie has so many of these qualities – family oriented, servant leader, encourager, loving….But, the words that immediately came to my mind are sacrificial and attentive. This man sacrifices for his family. His time, his energy, money, desires. He often knows when I’m not emotionally well before I do, and makes adjustments to help me get re-centered. Even if it costs him something. I hear, often, “Kim, if you don’t care for you, you can’t care for the family.” He gets it and I appreciate him for that. I am grateful for the things I have learned, how he encourages, supports, and even challenges me (though I give him a hard time – I’m working on it). I love my boo.

The amazing thing about this list is that are many more men I could include. But, these are men I have seen fathering in some capacity (me and others). These are men my family and I have spent countless hours with, sometimes into the wee hours of morning – in their homes, on their couches, at their tables, in their cars and churches and lives. We have seen the highs of many, and the lows of some. They are brothers, and fathers and uncles. We’ve seen them up close at various stages of fatherhood. Our hearts have been knit together at various points in our journeys. These are men who have dried our tears, prayed us through, housed us, supported us, encouraged us, coached us, challenged us, and loved us.

I do not know what I have done to deserve to have been in the company of so many wonderful men. In fact, I know I have done nothing. That is why it is called grace. And I am grateful.

Grateful that in a time when so many people have so many negative experiences with men, I can look over this list.

Grateful that when so many people have so many negative things to say about men, I can show them this list

So to you all, I say, Happy Father’s Day and thank you for your legacy!

Tips for Flying with Toddlers and Pre-schoolers

June 1, 2016

Our first cross-country flight. There we were, scrambling aimlessly at the airport like chickens. Checking one zillion bags and “essential” baby gear, breaking down a double stroller with one hand, while trying to remove (and replace) shoes, strap 2 babies into Ergo carriers and keep a three year old from joining the TSA team with the others (how many hands is that???). You better believe we learned some things. Now, I feel like a pro (well, better prepared) having learned from experience.

Holding Bella with a look of relief after making it onto the plane for the girls’ first flight.

For those of you who are anxious about flying this summer, allow me to share a few travel tips that made our flights more enjoyable.

Schedule flights according to children’s sleep schedules. When schedules and budgets allow, we book flights close to the kids’ nap or bedtimes to increase their chances of sleep. Fortunately, cheaper flights often coincide with these times.

Call airlines in advance to find out their requirements. Some airlines require birth certificates or immunization records for your little ones. They may or may not ask at the gate, but it’s better to be prepared. Find out car seat stipulations if you plan to use one.

Borrow/rent baby gear. Little people come with a lot of stuff. At one point, we traveled with 3 car seats, a double stroller, and a pack and play, in addition to our luggage. Here’s how to lighten your load:
- Ask people at your destination to network with their circle of friends for items you can borrow.
- Opt to rent a car seat along with your rental car.
- Investigate whether you can rent baby gear in your destination city. Baby’s Away is located in 70 locations across the U.S.
- Consider purchasing inexpensive booster seats and strollers (like this Bebelove USA Single Umbrella Stroller with Mesh Pocket and Canopy) that can be donated once they are no longer needed.

The key is to do what’s best for your budget, back, and sanity. If you do choose to travel with your own items, large laundry bags (like this, or this) make great inexpensive car seat covers.

Pack carry-ons strategically.
- Think easy access. Your infant will have a blow-out in the terminal. Your toddler will spill her juice. The flight will be delayed.
- Pack an extra change of clothes for them (and you).
- Pack more favorite snacks than you think you’ll need, preferably some things they don’t typically have the opportunity to eat.
- Include favorite travel-size toys (Legos, Hotwheels, Playdoh, PLAYFOAM(this stuff is amazing!).
- Visit a dollar store beforehand to surprise the kids with a few new toys they haven’t seen before.
- Bring electronics. But, because our flights typically take at least four hours, we’ve learned to save the electronics as the “Hail Mary pass”—the last resort. When we introduced the iPad too early in the flight, we had no alternative on deck once they got bored. MI. SE.RY.
- Remember: Novelty is your friend.

Dress comfortably and simply. You do not want to have to lace up shoes, buckle a belt, and take off a jacket while holding a child, unfolding a stroller, and putting your bags on the conveyor belt. Trust me (see above). Simplify where you can.
Determine the best mode of transport for you and your child/children. I used a Moby wrap the very first time I flew with Enoch. We both loved the Moby, but by the end of the flights, I was ready to burn it. You can’t wear it through security, so you have to undo it, place it on the conveyor belt, and re-wrap it while holding a baby, and gathering your belongings. And, trying to re-wrap on the plane??? We found the Ergobaby Original Baby Carrier to be much easier to work with, wonderful for holding lap babies, and there is a zippered pocket large enough to hold small items like an ID, phone, and boarding passes. I even managed to discreetly nurse when they were younger because using the hood made it look as though they were just snuggled in sleeping.

An umbrella stroller is helpful because you can take the stroller right up to the gate. Just remember to get a gate-check tag from an agent when you first get to your gate. You don’t want to miss out on family pre-boarding if you have to handle that last minute.

Get moving. Because we are usually on such long flights, we came up with creative ways to get the kids moving while waiting in the terminal. “I Spy Tag” is one of my favorites. We would go for a walk, and play a traditional game of “I Spy.” The twist is they would have to run to the item, and wait for me (warning: if you have “runners” – DON’T do this). We have also been known to bring a small soccer ball, bubbles or a laser light – all things that could be chased/played with in a less crowded area/corner. We figured it is better to get stares in the terminal than snarls on a cramped plane. Some airports have even added play areas for the kids. Find them.
People will help you or avoid you. You’ll see both smiles and frowns, tears and laughter (Ha, and they all may be yours!). Try to relax. Arrive at least 2 hours early to allow enough time to get through security, and have bathroom and snack/meal breaks without getting overwhelmed. Spring for coffee.

Preparation is half the battle to having a great flight. So, control what you can, because there will be things that you can’t.

And, if you happen to fly Southwest and everyone walks by your row because they don’t want to sit next to your children, don’t get offended. Count your blessings…and spread out!

Seasoned fliers, what would you add?

*This post contains Amazon affiliate links.*

Parenting is Not a Phase

May 4, 2016

I remember well –she was looking into my weary (and teary) eyes, knowingly, as she watched me nurse and describe the utter exhaustion of cluster feedings and growth spurts and seeing 1 am and 2am and 3am… she smiled and nodded as she says “It won’t always be this way. This phase won’t last. They will grow up.”

A bit wistful, she looks at her teenage children, reminiscing about their toddler antics as she chuckles while I share stories of the “Gillespie circus” – peanut butter sandwiches in the fish bowl, poop behind the door, tutus and orcas and dinosaurs. She smiles as she says, “You may be exhausted now, but, it’s just a phase. They grow up. Quickly.”

I listen as she shares her concerns about allowing her teen daughter to attend a concert, her daughter’s rapidly approaching high school graduation and college choices, and having to decide on how to handle a situation regarding a grown man who disrespected her teen son. I think, “Hmph. This isn’t a phase. This is life.”

That’s when I realized that I have been interpreting that statement incorrectly.

Parenting isn’t a phase.

Parenting is a lifetime commitment filled with mountain tops and valleys, joys and fears, pride and anxiety, sleepless nights and even more sleepless nights. It is the best, hardest, most satisfying, and frustrating, exhilarating and exhausting job I have never gotten paid for. It has been worth the blood, sweat and oh so many tears, while often leaving me wondering, “How in the WORLD am I going to do this?”

One thing it is not – is a phase.

Children go through phases/stages – newborn, infant, toddler…adolescence, young adult, etc. Each phase requires patience, wisdom, creativity, soul searching and prayer.

Some seasons are more physically demanding as they need you absolutelyeverymomenteveryminuteeverydayrightnowMommyNOW!

Other times they require more mental and emotional stamina.

From…

“Why can’t I do this?”

“Why Mommy? Why? Why?Why?!”

To…

“How do I talk to him about this?”

“Where do I begin to encourage her in that?”

“How do we navigate this?”

Yes, the child goes through phases, the parent simply (or, not so simply) makes appropriate adjustments. If you have ever talked to a seasoned parent, you may hear “Just when I think I’ve got something figured out, they change.” There is always something new.

I remember tearfully questioning if I would EVER be able to conceive a child. I was talking to a wise woman, years ahead of me in this journey of motherhood. Her sweet motherly words of advice –

“Little girl, you’re going to have to learn to trust God with that baby now. There will always be something to worry about. Will you conceive? Will you carry full-term? Will they have ten fingers and toes? How will they do in school? Even when they are adults you will still be tempted to worry. So. Learn to trust God – now.”

That was over seven years ago. Enoch was just a dream, and the girls weren’t even considered a possibility.

I am only 5 years into this journey, and I have realized that my conversations with God are pretty consistent.

Bringing them home from the hospital :

“Lord, I have no clue what I am doing. You created them. Teach me how to raise them.”

Disciplining:

“Lord, I have no clue what I am doing. You created them. Teach me how to discipline them.”

Feeding:

“Lord, I have no clue what I am doing. You created them. Help me nurse them, find what they like and get them to eat it.”

Stubborn/strong-willed/you done lost yo’ mind actions:

“Lord, I have no clue what I am doing. You created them. You betta help me. ”

Yeah. Pretty consistent.

And so is parenting.

So, for those of you out there wondering, “When will this phase be over?” It won’t.

Since that is the case, we would all do well to heed advice of my friend – “Trust God now.”

Here with you on the journey…

Don’t Tell Me To Be Strong – Handling Grief

April 29, 2016

This woman would be 69 years old today. It’s hard to believe that 25 years have slipped by since her death. It’s true – the days are long, but the years are short.

Since her death, I’ve experienced additional challenges and loss, hardships and moments when the possibility of making it thru seemed impossible.

And, I must admit. I have often been disturbed by 2 little words often spoken as a comfort or encouragement, but which often produces the opposite –

Be strong.

I think back a few short months ago when a 7 year-old boy lost his father. He lived through his father’s months-long battle with cancer – the nausea and vomiting, the hair loss, the limited mobility due to increasing pain, the tears. Since his death, he has asked “oh so many” questions, as he tries to wrap his 7 year old mind around a concept that refuses to be wrapped neatly, or easily.

“When is he coming back?”

“Is he in heaven?”

“Is he with his mother and father?”

But, one thing that he did not do – was cry.

Why?

Because, somewhere along the way he was told to “be strong”. And, he interpreted that as, “Don’t cry.”

The reality is his interpretation is not that far removed from the truth. We are uncomfortable with sadness. It makes us feel helpless, weak, renders us speechless. Happiness and joy, we love. We even know how to handle anger (the reaction may incense the other, but it’s a response).

But, sadness? We flee, desperate to return to our happy (or at least comfortable) place.

So.

“Be strong….”

People would tell his father as he sat writhing in pain, grieving the loss of a future that he realized he would not see.”

“Be strong…”

As his wife poured out her heart, grieving the current state of her husband and her family’s future.

And, it’s not just in sickness and death.

When I was 16, I remember speaking at my childhood church about women in the Bible. The pastor at the time did not agree with my talk, and said so, ripping it to shreds in front of the entire congregation. My proud mother, walked onto the stage (yes I was still sitting on the stage while he did this), grabbed my arm, and as tears welled up in my eyes, she held her head up high, lifted my head, and led me down the steps while he was talking (loved that woman). As we walked, she whispered in my ear “Don’t cry. Be strong.”

A little over a year later, I was grieving her death, from cancer.

Repeatedly, I heard in the midst of grieving “Be strong.”

But.

Why?

When your world is crashing around you, and all that you know is coming to violent end, wouldn’t you feel weak, depressed and unable to go on?

When sickness, or financial strain, or disappointment or loss knocks on your door? Do you not weep or get overwhelmed, and want to hide?

Of course you do. Of course I do.

And the reality is – so did Jesus.

When He heard that his cousin, John, was unjustly beheaded after taking a stand against King Herod’s marital infidelity (he divorced his wife to marry his half-brother’s wife). Jesus “…departed from there by boat to a deserted place by Himself.” (Matthew 14:13)

When His beloved friend Lazarus died, and Jesus saw his sister, Mary’s anguish as she fell down at His feet saying, “Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died.” He did the most humanly thing possible when witnessing the pain of another. He wept. Even though He knew He was going to resurrect Lazarus – Jesus wept.

When faced with His impending crucifixion and separation from His Father, “He began to be sorrowful and deeply distressed. Then He said to them, ‘My soul is exceedingly sorrowful even to death…” (Matthew 26:38). “…and He knelt down and prayed, saying, ‘Father if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me; nevertheless not my will, but Yours, be done.’ Then an angel appeared to Him from heaven, strengthening Him. And being in agony, He prayed more earnestly. Then His sweat became like great drops of blood falling to the ground.” (Luke 22:42-43).

Get this.

The Son of God wept.

Weeping over pain, difficulty and sorrow, is not weakness as we consider it. It is strength. It requires strength to admit you are struggling. Only then can others help.

When faced with another’s despair, even when Jesus knew He planned to resurrect Lazarus, He wept with Mary and for her. She cried out. He responded. “Did I not say to you that if you believe you would see the glory of God?” He did not say, “Be strong” or “Don’t cry.”

When facing His own death, He cried out. And, an angel appeared to strengthen Him – an angel. We don’t know what the angel did or said, but we can imagine it wasn’t “don’t cry out”, because afterwards “He prayed more earnestly.”

In fact, I looked at a few instances of when people were exhorted to “Be strong”. It was not when mourning or in emotional despair, it was when facing a battle. Even then, the call for strength was not based upon the individual’s ability. It was “Be strong….do not fear…for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you.”

I think of Paul, who pleaded with God three times for some “thorn in the flesh” to be removed. God’s response was not to remove it, but to tell Paul, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”

God is the One who strengthens.

So, when grieving or in despair or disappointed -don’t “be strong”. Cry out.

And when faced with the grief, despair or disappointment of another – Help them grieve. Give them room to share. Let them be silent. Visit them. Let them cry. Encourage them to cry. Hug them. Sit with them. Serve them. Clean for them. Cook for them.

Please do not tell them to “Be strong.”

But, you be strong – strong enough to deal with the discomfort of their weakness. And be sure to continually pray on their behalf to the One who gives them grace and strength.

12 Jazz Inspired Books for Kids

April 14, 2016

Yesterday, we were reading The Shape of Me and Other Stuff (Bright & Early Books), by Dr. Seuss. Throughout the book are silhouettes of various things – insects, animals, objects, etc. At some point, Issa pointed to a shape and said “trombone!”

I grinned. Shocked…and impressed. She pays attention. Music appreciation in its developing stages. Love it!

We play various genres of music around our home. Depending on the day (or mood), you may hear Michael Jackson or Hillsong, John Coltrane or Israel or Bach. It both tickles and pleases me, however, that the most requested by Enoch are Michael Jackson or jazz.

So, in honor of our family’s growing appreciation of jazz, the fact that April is Jazz Appreciation Month, and National Library Week, I’ve decided to put together a post of 12 “jazzy” books (along with a great CD called Jazz for Kids: Sing Clap Wiggle & Shake).

I hope your family has as much fun as we have!

Jazz On A Saturday Night (Coretta Scott King Honor Book) is a fun, beautifully illustrated, simple introduction to jazz for children. The authors create a fictitious band comprised of jazz greats such as Miles Davis, Charlie Parker and Ella Fitzgerald, playing their respective instruments. A bonus is a CD which includes additional information about jazz and all of the instruments included in the book.

This Jazz Man is one of my children’s favorites. Written to the tune of, “This Old Man”, they love tapping and conducting and drumming while counting. The bonus is Ehrhardt also introduces the different musicians and instruments that can comprise a jazz band. The end of the book identifies each of the band members as a famous musician – such as Louis Armstrong, Duke Ellington, and Charles Mingus.

The Jazz Fly (book w/ audio CD) is a story about a fly lost on his way to a jazz performance with some wriggly friends. Along the way he meets a few animals who later inspire his performance. As the author notes, it’s a story about ingenuity, improvisation, and interpretation. Bonus CD is included.

Chicka Chicka Boom Boom (Chicka Chicka Book, A), isn’t a book about jazz, but provides a jazzy way to teach the alphabet to children. The “scatting”, rhythm and humor as the alphabet comes to life has made Chicka Chicka Boom Boom one of our kids favorite ways to recite their ABCs. (See our bedtime storytime video below)

Chicka Chicka 1, 2, 3 is a companion to Chicka Chicka Boom Boom. Bill Martin uses similar “jazzy” humor to teach numbers 1 through 20, and multiples of ten.

Before John Was a Jazz Giant: A Song of John Coltrane by Carole Boston Weatherford tells the story of the sounds that inspired a young John Coltrane growing up with family in the South in the 1930s. It’s a wonderful way to encourage children to observe their surroundings and the sounds we tend to take for granted in every day life. A short biography is included at the end along with additional recommended reading and music.

Written by poet and playwright, Ntozake Shange, she takes young readers into her childhood home in Ellington Was Not a Street. I love how she piques children’s interest by pointing out there are often people behind street names. Children are introduced to nine famous artistic, intellectual and athletic African-American “Men who changed the world” like Paul Robeson, Dizzy Gillespie, Duke Ellington and more. The beautifully illustrated book also provides brief bios.

Rap a Tap Tap: Here’s Bojangles – Think of That! (Coretta Scott King Illustrator Honor Books)Les and Diane Dillon take readers on a lively, rhythmic trip following Bill “Bojangles” Robinson, called the greatest tap dancer of all time. We see him following his passion and sharing it with all that he meets, at all times in various places. Prepare for dancing.

Charlie Parker Played Be Bop, this picture book about Charlie Parker relies on your children’s imagination to hear the music. “Be bop, Fisk, Fisk…chickadee, chickadee, chickadee, chick.” They will laugh while learning to appreciate and hear rhythm.

Jazz Baby. I caught the girls “reading” this book today, saying “Mama sings high. Daddy sings low. Baby says GO….”. Memorable. Rhyme. Rhythm. Repetition. Booms and bops, dancing and singing. What better way to introduce little ones to jazz than through a jazzy baby?

If I Only Had a Horn: Young Louis Armstrong, “If I could sing, I could bring, home pennies, play slow drag blues, tap happy feet blues, till the sun rose, if I only had a horn.” Roxanne Orgill uses this song to tell of young Louis’ dream and motivation for wanting to learn to play the cornet. We get glimpses into his home life in New Orleans, and an inspirational story of redemption and how dreams can come true. (This was more appropriate for older children)

Duke Ellington: The Piano Prince and His Orchestra You can almost hear the low, slow, smooth talking voice of a “jazz man” telling the story of Duke Ellington and the formation of his orchestra. “Now you’ve heard of the jazz-playin’ man. The man with the cats who could swing with his band.” This book is as colorful as Duke’s personality and history- from giving himself the nickname “Duke” as a child, initially rejecting piano as a “umpy-dump sound that was headed nowhere worth following”, to ending up one of greatest composers of the 20th century, playing at Carnegie Hall.

Jazz for Kids: Sing Clap Wiggle & Shake “Old MacDonald Had a Farm” and “The Muffin Man” by Ella Fitzgerald. A song about “Potato Chips”. “What a Wonderful World” by Louis Armstrong. What better way to introduce children to the world of jazz. Perfect for clapping, wiggling and shaking.

From Paper to Practice

April 5, 2016

“I don’t care how well you can do on paper if you don’t know what you’re doing in practice. That’s just historical knowledge and quaint recitation.”

That’s what she said.

My new (and quickly climbing the ranks to one of my favorite) physicians.
She was talking to a medical student who was observing her for the week. After hearing a couple of unanswered or incorrectly answered questions, she was responding to the false sense of success students can have when performing well on exams, while freezing or being inadequately prepared in real life.

As some of my friends would say “That’ll preach”.

And, I’ve been pondering this all day.

How do I look good on paper? What goals are recorded or to-do lists written that look great in theory, but drown in the mud of unproductiveness and waste?

What dreams are posted that friends glance at in passing – smiling and nodding, but that sit unfulfilled?

What heart changes, character issues, sins, or detrimental habits lie untouched and accepted because the idea of being different looks good on paper, but the doing is just too much work.

An even bigger question is WHO is missing out, left hanging or suffering because of it?
Spouse? Children? Family? Friends? The world?

Yesterday was the anniversary of the assassination of Martin Luther King Jr. What if his ideas never left paper? What if equality was a dream, but he never fought for it, stood up for it, worked towards it? How would generations have been affected?

So today, I’m picking one thing – just one for now – to get off of paper and put into practice. I’m writing (ironically). Regularly. Time for me to climb out of the mud.

What goal do you need to work towards? What habit have you ignored? What void are you supposed to fill that is currently a gaping hole? Figure it out. Then. Join me?!

How We Met: “Maximize Your Moment”

March 2, 2016

The conference room buzzed with excitement. Decades-old friends reminiscing about “back in the day”. Mentees squealing as they reconnected with mentors. Hugs, handshakes, nods, smiles, laughter. The exhilaration in knowing that after 2 years of planning, praying, meeting, negotiating – It was finally here – Impact 2004.

I was a newbie, working and attending the conference for the first time. I entered the room a bit intimidated, scanning the room for one of the few familiar faces I knew would be present.

“Ah, there’s a seat at her table.” I sighed with relief.

As I approached the table, I noticed him. Dreadlocks, dimples…

“Hmm. He’s cute.”

He had a photo album with him, and was enthusiastically showing photos from the mission trip several of them took together to South Africa a few years prior.

“Cute and mission minded. Nice. But. He’s probably young.”

And I moved on. So I thought.

Somewhere near the end of the conference worker meeting that afternoon, I announced that I needed help setting up one of the session rooms.

Only two people came.

The cute missionary was one of them.

“Hi, I’m Reggie Gillespie.”

“You’re Reggie Gillespie???! YOU were the first one to sign up to go to South Africa for the STINT (one-year short term international mission trip). We’ve been praying for you. You’re Reggie Gillespie?? (with a grin)”

We hit it off immediately- talking, laughing, joking (i.e. flirting) as we worked. He was surprisingly easy to talk to. At some point my best sister-friend walked into the area, sensed some “connection” was happening, grinned, and walked out.

Then, I led a seminar – “Waiting for My Boo: How to Live Single.” College and graduate students crammed in, filling the seats, standing along the walls, sitting on the floor. About 10 minutes into the talk, out of the corner of my eye, I spot him sliding along the side of the wall, inching his way towards the front. Then, he sits. RIGHT. UP. FRONT.

“Oh my goodness, he’s in here…”

Heart palpitations.

Sweaty palms.

“Regroup. Breathe.”

I recovered and finished the session.

He disappears… …until he catches me in the hallway later that day, and hands me a puzzle piece.

See, during the session, in order to illustrate the frivolity by which we often approach dating, I had each attendee grab a puzzle piece. During the talk they were tasked to find a matching piece to their puzzle pieces within two minutes – virtually impossible with 500 pieces floating around.

When he handed me the puzzle piece, I thought, “Wow. Is he telling me he’s my matching piece???”* And I slipped it into my conference badge. (I also told him I didn’t know that he was in the session – lies, all lies – yeah, yeah don’t judge me – I was trying to be coy.)

All week long, we flirted. A stare. A smile. A nod. Brief conversations as we moved about fulfilling our roles. All week long, I asked mutual friends about him. How old is he? His character? What type of person is he? His heart for ministry?

Finally, during the last night, Pastor Maurice Watson did a main session called “Maximize Your Moment”. He repeated one phrase, “Opportunities come, opportunities go, opportunities come no more.”

I stormed right out at the end of that session, determined to “maximize my moment.” We sat in the hallway (this is where our stories differ, but since I’M the one telling this one…)

“Have you been checking me out?”

He laughs, “Yes, and you – me.”

“So, I’ve asked, and no one seems to know. How old ARE you?”

He laughs again, ‘Well, I know YOU are 30.” (So, he had been asking about me too?? Sweet.) “Yes. But how old are you???!”

He smiles, “23.”

“23??!”

“Yes. 23”

“Hm. It’s been really nice talking to you. Goodbye.”

And I walked away.

That’s right. I walked away.

Not my finest moment.

Fortunately, my sisters were present. All conference I told them how great he was, how funny, how nice, how well he treated me and others, how he seemed to love Jesus… All. Week. Long.

One of them (or, probably both) said, “Soooo, he was great when you thought he was older. He’s the same person, just younger.”

I wasn’t buying it. Fortunately, my sister, who can be counted on to meddle when necessary, (she has opened my eyes to knuckleheads and gems) found him, told him I needed to talk to him, told me “Carpe diem”, and walked away…

The rest (9 years and 3 babies later) is Gillespie history.

Lessons learned:

Blessings often come in unexpected ways. Don’t miss one because it’s not “packaged” the way you expected.
“Opportunities come, opportunities go, opportunities come no more.” Seize them.
God does hear and answer prayer (more on this later).

*Ha! Several years after we were married, I was working on a scrapbook of our journey together. I came across the badge, with the puzzle piece in it. I smiled and told him about why I saved it, asking if it really was his way of telling me he was interested. His response (while laughing), “Naw, Boo. I just found it on the floor and since I knew you used them, I was returning it to you. Would’ve been cool though.”

I like my version better…

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